After Oliverâs closest friend killed himself, he found it incredibly hard to cope.
He struggled through the summer holidays, just trying to get through each day.
Back at university, he found himself increasingly isolated and unable to focus on his course, friendships, or student life.
Six weeks into the new term, he realised something had to change.
Thatâs when he contacted a university counsellor.
âI had a lot of emotional baggage that was crushing me,â said Oliver who is in his second year of a civil engineering degree at the University of Sheffield.
âItâs been really beneficial to have someone who I can be completely honest with. Who I can talk to about how Iâm feeling and how Iâm doing.
âIâve always felt a burden. I donât want to put stuff on other peopleâs plates â but I donât feel like that when Iâm talking to my counsellor.
I'm being understood
âI know Iâm not completely alone â and that Iâm being understood. I know that what Iâm feeling isnât wrong.â
Oliver has struggled with his mental health during the past five years. He has been depressed, has self-harmed and been on medication.
But the sudden death of one of his longest friends last summer had a huge impact on him.
âThings had been going better with my mental health, but Peterâs death really derailed me.
 âI donât think I really thought or took stock of the loss. I didnât cry until after the funeral.
âIt was very hard to be around people. I couldnât really talk about it.
âI was just trying to get through the summer. I had resits which didnât help.â
âItâs been really beneficial to have someone who I can be completely honest with. Who I can talk to about how Iâm feeling and how Iâm doing," said Oliver.
Oliver continued to struggle when he returned to Sheffield for the new university term.
âI was keeping everything close to me. I wasnât really socialising. Every day I was just going home to my flat and crying. I could not stop thinking about him.
âIt was really hard being an active member of society. I could not sleep.
âBut life was going on still. I still had to do my degree.â
Six weeks into the university term he knew he couldnât carry on like that.
Needed to keep going
âI realised that that wasnât sustainable and that it wasnât what Peter would have wanted. I needed to keep going for him.â
Oliver spoke to staff in the engineering department who recommended he visited the university counselling service.
âI knew I needed to speak to someone with experience of these issues. I wanted to be able to talk honestly and just get someoneâs objective thoughts on what I was going through. Someone who wouldnât judge me.â
Oliver said his counselling sessions have helped him understand that how he is feeling isnât wrong and help him view his emotions in a different way.
And itâs helped him get through the grief of losing such a close friend.
âI was quite angry at myself and a lot of people about everything. I felt guilty.
âI look back on a lot of things growing up with a skewed lens. There was a lot of self-hatred.
Look at underlying issues
âBut through counselling I have been able to unpick that and look at the more underlying issues. Itâs helped me to get through that distortion that I see. Itâs helped me get through the grief of losing a friend.
âIâm getting out there and experiencing university life now. Iâm starting to see glimpses of the person who I am deep down.â
Oliver has found the confidence to become more involved in extracurricular university activities.
Heâs organising a large science fair that will be attended by up to 2,000 children.
As part of this project, heâs been managing people and leading two-hour meetings.
It was a big jump for him to agree to get involved.
âI wouldnât have put myself forward for this or made this jump if I hadnât been able to talk through those feelings around Peter. I wouldnât have the confidence to have made that jump.â
His sessions with the university counsellor will continue.
âItâs allowed me to get something more from university life.
First steps
âI know this is the first steps. Iâm not all the way there yet.
âBut itâs definitely helping,â he added.
âThe main thing about the university counselling service is they genuinely care.
âWhen I was in my darkest place. I knew I had a person to go to who listened, that I mattered to and who genuinely wanted to help me in whatever way they could. Iâm really grateful for that.â
To find a ±«ÓăÊÓÆ”counsellor or psychotherapist visit our Therapist directory.