±«ÓãÊÓƵ

Working in a secondary school in a deprived area, it has been intriguing to see the change in the political temperature. St George’s flags were abundant long before the World Cup, students discuss Andrew Tate and ‘jokingly’ call each other incels. Underneath this, however, there is a persistent undercurrent that compels some young men to radicalise their mindsets, which is alarming and pervasive yet subtle.

This is the world of the ‘black pill’: a cauldron of incels, misogyny and extremism, which promises to make them successful and attractive. The black pill harnesses typical teenage anxieties and radicalises them. As a male therapist, I counselled teenagers who joined the black pill, and helped reframe their negative attitudes towards their body, others and themselves. Through a congruent therapeutic approach, I attempted to give the black pill an antidote.

People have become more aware of the manosphere recently with shows like Adolescence¹ and Louis Theroux’s Inside the Manosphere.² Black pill ideology has been around under different guises for decades, yet recently, it has been repackaged for a wider audience of teenage boys on social media.

The black pill is about transformation. It argues that being more attractive makes men more successful sexually, financially and emotionally.³ As a counsellor, this is tricky to navigate. Superficially, the message is inspiring: work hard, take control and achieve. There is, however, a dark subtext in this black pill rhetoric. By improving their looks, money and status, known as ‘LMS’, boys are told they can become more masculine and be seen as more attractive.⁴ They improve their looks through methods, known as ‘looksmaxxing’, which are not evidence-based, yet are reported as fact.

Black pill forums are hugely popular and influential. A study of one looksmaxxing site found it garnered six million visitors per month and over ten-thousand members.⁵ Users upload selfies for peer assessment, and their looks are brutally judged for perceived sexual level (PSL), with suggestions offered on how to improve. If they are not perceived as attractive enough, they are encouraged ‘to rope’, meaning end their lives, also known as ‘ropemaxxing’.⁶

Models of masculinity

Tom was entrenched in a black pill belief system that wasn’t good for him. Although I knew of the wider manosphere, I was unaware of the black pill and admitted my confusion; congruent self disclosure allows for relational depth.⁷

Looksmaxxing is physically and mentally harmful.⁵ Tom self-harmed following a looksmaxxing practice known as ‘bonesmashing’. When his family slept, he smashed his cheekbones with a household object to achieve a defined jawline. He believed it was worth suffering to appear more masculine.

Those who engage with radical content can struggle with how to ‘be a man’, and manosphere influencers capitalise on their insecurity. They set a definable, problematic masculine standard which leads to extremism in order to become more ‘manly’.⁴ This ideal does not just affect male self-esteem; it embeds misogyny by normalising anti-feminism ideals, while stating men are societally suppressed.⁸

The focus on LMS and desire for a higher PSL represent a broken system. By following attraction and status criteria, all other values are invalidated. By trying to become more masculine in limited ways, they perceive less of themselves; valuing only appearance and salary. Tom was fixated on how beautiful he could be, which became the only thing that mattered. He worried his partner would leave him for someone taller or wealthier. Black pill feeds the feeling of never being ‘good enough’ to boys and young men. This means no matter how much they change, it may never make them happy.

As a male therapist, it was important that I modelled a counterpoint to manosphere culture. I am short, silly and not wealthy, thus antithetical to LMS standards. I modelled a different masculinity, not demonstrated with physicality but with empathy. Tom worked on self-contentment and loosening his rigid masculinity. Therapy offered an authentic alternative.

The black pill also offers entry points to radical viewpoints. In one study, forty-four per cent of looksmaxxing videos used black pill hashtags, with algorithms guiding young men to ingest more extreme black pill content, including neo-Nazism, pro-suicide and posts that glorify shootings.³ Tom was gripped by islamophobia, antisemitism and conspiracy theories due to black pill communities. He bought into these concepts until the promotion of Nazism made him realise the wider content may also be malicious. This was when he sought out counselling. We thoroughly discussed Tom’s private beliefs with patience. He felt nervous after our first session, unsure if I would let him return to therapy due to his views. I reassured him that he would always be welcome and I would be present to help him.

Therapeutic relationships can help when there is a fear of judgment and isolation in the external world. They allow clients to explore that fear without being isolated. As psychotherapist (and editor of this journal) Jeanine Connor states in a recent Therapy Today article, manosphere content uses teenagers’ shame to keep them stuck and shame them more, and therapy is there to free them from this loop, by offering validating connection.⁹

Rogers’ necessary and sufficient conditions for person-centred counselling are simple yet effective.¹⁰ Unconditional positive regard was essential for Tom to feel understood. Lack of judgment is crucial. If clients feel judged, they may become further entrenched in their beliefs.¹¹ It is not about educating clients; the focus is on helping them to understand why they hold certain views. Empathetic understanding allowed Tom to feel accepted and retreat from looksmaxxing.

The more therapy Tom had, the less black pill he consumed. It became ‘cringey’ for him, and he began to think it was pathetic seeing people use it for clickbait. He saw through the misogynistic influencer illusion, stepped away and swiped past black pill content on TikTok. Those who leave the community often disavow their belief; some see that they were manipulated.⁴ Tom escaped the manosphere and grew from his experiences. He became proud of his masculinity without needing to put others down.

Tom’s therapeutic turning point came when I researched the black pill. Counsellors, ethically, must address areas of ignorance and learn about clients’ diverse frames of reference; we respect clients by acknowledging their perspective.¹² Teenagers, in particular, feel seen when their references are understood. Learning black pill terminology fundamentally changed our relationship. Tom was honoured that I worked between sessions to understand him. I used authentic terminology like ‘softmaxxing’ (changing your appearance superficially, typically using makeup) and ‘hardmaxxing’ (more severe approaches to alter your body, including bonesmashing and hormone injections). This deeper understanding provided a life jacket in the sea of misinformation, kickstarting Tom’s self-validation and self-worth. He became more open-minded towards others and more secure in himself. His black-and-white views turned to a more compassionate understanding of humanity.

Therapy offered security which is integral to development. This space for acceptance and positive modelling can help young men build healthier attitudes and self-esteem beyond looks and develop critical thinking.⁸ It’s OK to not know everything, but it’s our ethical responsibility to learn more about our clients’ lives. Through therapy, Tom stopped bonesmashing. Occasionally doubt creeps in, but he is now confident in his own skin and finally feels like he is enough.

Genuine connection

The black pill offers seemingly easy fixes by telling young men that if they increase their PSL score they will be loveable and successful. Life’s issues are not so simply solved with the black pill’s one-size-fits-all answers; genuine work requires processing incongruent parts of the self with authentic reflection. Counselling offers acceptance to teenagers consuming the black pill, which combats their internal shame. It leads to self-acceptance and alleviates insecurities. They learn to accept themselves and move forward. The black pill exacerbates feelings of loneliness, shame and not being enough, whereas therapy can offer an antidote, helping young men to accept themselves as they are. Masculinity does not have to come in troubling packaging. It can be healthily expressed in a secure and empowering way. My work with Tom and Mark demonstrates the ways counsellors can help young men grow away from the black pill and escape the manosphere through genuine connection.